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Unlooped since 2009
7:59 AM
I've never analyzed any of my dreams on the blog but I think this one deserves a response. After thinking about it for a couple days and reading the comment by Lunger I think I will respond.
There is a storm outside and while I'm in the church for some level of protection I can't find it there. I run around checking different rooms to decide if it is a safe place to protect my family. While Tracy, Katie and Christiane are with me I get the sense that Tracy and I are a group and Katie and Christiane are a separate group. Katie and Christiane, not knowing where to run, try to go deeper into church but I tell them that there's no protection there.
Pharaoh is the part of my childhood that I closely relate to. Pharaoh was my childhood. During the years of my youth when I felt I didn't have a place in the house Pharaoh was there. Pharaoh was always Adam's dog more than mine. But when I felt alone at home I started having Pharaoh sleep on my bed. Pharaoh is my fear. I can't afford to be fearful of the storm outside. I have a family to protect. I look down to see Pharaoh trembling at my feet.
Meanwhile dad is outside the church but never enters. He has been running outside the church and is sweaty. I don't know how long he's been running outside the church but he has been doing laps. He is circling my church keeping the danger at bay for me. The tornado avoids the church altogether and it turns out it was just a little one that sounded much bigger than it actually was.
Mom and Katie are in the hallway, Katie is inside Sadie's cage cleaning it thoroughly. Mom is outside directing her with how to clean the cage. Mom is in the church but simply directing others, while keeping them in a cage.
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November 9, 2008 at 10:10 AM
"It was a very small tornado, just a few feet in diameter."
Doesn't this fact reveal the actions of every participant in a different light? Katie and Christiane retreated higher into the church. However, they were never in any true danger. You could argue that were they actually in danger it would be foolish to go up in a building; however, in your psyche there was no true danger only the threat. Their actions were somewhat meaningless but did not place them in any real danger.
Dad was outside jogging at the time of the storm. One would think that when weather looks like a storm one would be foolish to continue jogging in the midst of it, even if protection is the goal. However, in your psyche he does not appear to you until the real or imagined threat has already passed. You are left to frantically look for a place while you believe there is danger. When it is over he appears to you as if your protector.
Pharoah was a dog from your childhood who was scared of storms. The other Pharoah you grew up with was the one literally destroyed by the wind and waves for opposing the true powers. You noted that you cannot afford to be scared while seeking to protect your family. But in this dream there is no true danger (only the potential for it at most) and thus your fear or lack of it costs you nothing. In your dream you react with the same fear as Katie and Christiane but proceed differently. You consciously tell yourself you are doing something productive while they are doing something misguided - but that's one big reason we have dreams because there are things we know about ourself that we cannot consciously allow.
Also, in this dream you remained in the church while not participating in an upward climb like Katie and Christiane. You believe there may be danger so you don't venture out. This interpretation seems most in keeping with your waking actions in which you maintain proximity to the "sanctuary" while avoiding any deeper claim of the church. You believe to go higher would be at best vain and at worst dangerous; however, your dream appears to reflect you are equally ambivalent about venturing out. On the one hand, it's stormy weather, on the other hand it was a small tornado that wouldn't hurt anyone. That Tracy and you are a group suggests to me the possibility that you do not experience her as in a separate place from you but also in that middle ground in which there is neither full commitment nor full departure from the safety of "Arlington Heights."
That Dad has the power to keep a tornado at bay invests him with deity-like power. This strengthems my thoughts that this represents more than a biological father but includes him (that is, your biological father is a type of father that you experience as having ultimate power to protect, guide, and discern for you). This function includes also a drive or part of yourself also invested with absolute power. Only one of the gods would dare to confront the winds directly. The most common myths in your upbringing include Moses (who stood opposite Pharoah) and Jesus. In Pauline writings, Death reigned until Moses and then with Moses Sin and Death reigned until Jesus in which Sin and Death had no more power. That Sin AND Death began to reign at the time of Moses is tied to the origin of the Mosaic law. Perhaps the apparent boundary being run by "Moses" outside the church is the continuing claims of the "law" on you. You are not yet in a place in which you feel rescued or transcendent to those modes.
That Mom's role is the least interpreted (and last) in your dream makes me think she is the most problematic or conflict-laden for you. In one sense the entire dream is about "mom" in that you remain inside a certain womb throughout the process, refusing to brave the scary outside or to follow Katie and Christiane up that long winding passage... But when you find Mom in your dream she is engaged in directing a menial task which apparently keeps people caged without their knowledge.
In this sense, the "mom's" in your dream appear to be all-knowing. However, they do not use their knowledge to help, but remain malevolent - preferring to keep their children in a womb/cage rather than assisting their birth or re-birth. Your conflict on this regard is evident.