Tracy has had stomach issues for the last several weeks. She's better now but we were wondering if she was pregnant. She took a test that turned out negative a week or so ago. But we weren't sure. A lot of her symptoms were very....pregnancy related.

Turns out that she's not pregnant. But we talked about it and came to some realizations. It really wouldn't be that bad to be pregnant. In fact, some primal part of us almost wanted her to be pregnant. I've spent a long time not wanting kids but it seems like something switched recently.

People told us that it would happen and I was not foolish enough to tell them they were wrong..luckily! Eating my words is as distasteful as eating cooked broccoli. I find myself wandering around from week to week wondering what is out there for me. This is dangerous ground for me because one of my reasons to NOT want kids is that I don't want to have kids to try to "figure myself out" or fix my own issues.

With that said, I, for the first time, have a SMALL amount of understanding about how people feel when they just feel like to be complete they need a kid or kids. At some point I wonder if my marauding mentality will somehow be settled with a unique, small version of me running around. It seems like a bad proposition to find out if it works or not. But something feels...right.

Somebody once told me, when I first got Champ that it would be
two years until we had a kid. That date was a little off, but not too
far off to be considered incorrect!

I think in some way I'm ready to take the plunge. We are still not
going to start trying until next year but for some reason I am not fearful of being a dad anymore. Before, some part of me was scared. Perhaps it's simply that I'm older now and more mature. I feel confident that Tracy and I have what it takes to be together for the rest of our lives. Maybe I wasn't convinced of our ability to raise a healthy child until now.

I cannot define what it is exactly, but a transformation has occurredl. Perhaps it's a paternal instinct. I tried to find a good article or study that talked about paternal instinct and only found this. Which isn't that great but did speak of a paternal instinct.

Regardless of the reason, things are different now.